Adam & Eve Probably Ate Tacos: A Review of La Rosita's

We all love the idea of the diamond in the rough. At the garage sale, in that pile of community college class oil paintings, hides a Van Gogh.

In a large field of unremarkable stones, we’ll stumble on the lone geode. Poke our heads into a dive bar and through the gauze of cigarette smoke, it’s the Beatles playing at the Cavern Club.

So what if I were to tell you that behind the doors of a nondescript Mexican grocery, you can find a taco that tastes like the ones Adam and Eve probably noshed on? (Some Biblical scholars believe that it wasn’t an apple that Eve proffered to Adam from the Tree of Knowledge; it was a taco.)

Crystal Lake, IL, should erect a sign that reads “We’re #3, We Try Harder” as you enter the city limits. I am talking, of course, about its Chitown taco status AND its production of potassium. However, since this is blog about food, I’ll ignore the potassium and fixate on the tacos.

Here is what the Trib had to say about La Rosita:

“This unassuming grocery store about a block from the Crystal Lake Metra station…Here the standard taco comes with onion and cilantro ($1.50) while the "everything" comes with grilled and raw onions, lettuce, tomato, Chihuahua cheese and a sour cream drizzle. On both, the steak nubbins were slightly charred and bursting with flavor…Wedges of Persian limes added a citrusy note. But the real deal-closers were La Rosita's two breathtaking salsas in big squeeze bottles. Made with tomatillos, garlic and pureed avocado, the green oozes with creamy nuttiness while the chile de arbol-infused red unleashes an irresistible fiery, smoky finish.”

My advice? Fuck the steak. Fuck it in its stupid ass. Go with the pork instead. (I’m kidding, the steak rocks, but to my taste, the pork is, well, it’s pork.) It is prepared Al pastor style (trans: “shepherd style”. Think desert nomads. Lawrence of Arabia. Toss this scene into a joint that has greasy menus, ditch the white robes, and you’re talking gyros, my friend.) The pork gets marinated, skewered on a metal spit where it turns like a happy clock. Sometimes a pineapple will be affixed to the top as a combo flavorizer/tenderizer.

What I find astonishing is how such a humble street food packs such a complex wallop. You’ve got the glistening charred hunks/slices of pork. You’ve got the lime’s bright acid, the peppery, perfumed grassiness of the cilantro, the bite-back of diced onion, the avocado/tomatillo salsa adding a dimension of tongue heat counterpoint to the physical heat of the roasted meat itself (when you get them, they are piping)--all of it rolled in a toothsome, double-bagged resilient corn tortilla.

Now if you were to come at me with a toothbrush after I just scarfed some of these morsels, I’d have to roundhouse kick ya, apologize later. It is a moment you’ll want extended, like the afterglow or sex or walking out on a particular hellish job.

Last thing, I like to wash these down with a bottle of tamarind soda. Tamarind is an Eastern seedpod fruit and the soda, to my taste, is a blend of cream soda and molasses, but that’s not really right. I’m still looking for the “objective correlative” of tamarind. In the meantime, I eat…

(To get to La Rosita’s in Crystal Lake, take the Ogilvie NW line and exit at Crystal Lake stop. La Rosita’s is a minute or two walk from the train station. 131 N. Main St., Crystal Lake; 815-356-7705.)